Ask Dr. Ronny Simons
Ask Dr. Ronny Simons
FAQs
Our unique method was developed by Dr. Ronny Simons, senior clinical psychologist.
Dr. Simons is Head of Clinical Psychology at the Israeli Protective Partnership. He is an expert in trauma and PTSD,
with more than thirty years of experience as Head of the Behavioral Sciences Department in the Prime Minister’s Office.
In the course of his work, Dr. Simons has successfully treated thousands of military and security services personnel.
Our unique method was developed by Dr. Ronny Simons, senior clinical psychologist.
Dr. Simons is Head of Clinical Psychology at the Israeli Protective Partnership. He is an expert in trauma and PTSD, with more than thirty years of experience as Head of the Behavioral Sciences Department in the Prime Minister’s Office. In the course of his work, Dr. Simons has successfully treated thousands of military and security services personnel.
This page contains some of the questions and issues raised by reservists who visited The Villa, and were addressed by Dr. Simons.
"What’s the point of digging into the terrible things I went through in Gaza? I’d rather put it all aside and get on with my life."
The problem is that even if we want to put a tough or unpleasant experience aside, there’s no guarantee, or, more accurately, it’s unlikely that it will stop upsetting us in one way or another. Your thoughts can go there, feelings can come up, there can be physical sensations or problems. For as long as we carry around something we haven’t resolved it will keep on troubling us, and even if we feel we have succeeded in putting it aside, it can always bubble up, overwhelm us and impact us at some point I the future – usually at the least convenient moment.
"I prefer to keep it all inside and not let it show."
When we keep everything inside, it stews and keeps on festering. It’s a little like taking a bottle of soda, plugging it with a finger and then shaking it as hard as possible. The gas will fizz, and we will need to use a lot energy to keep the soda from spraying all over the place. The same thing happens when we keep everything bottled up – no pun intended. It takes a lot of emotional effort, a lot of mental energy, to keep all this noise going on inside us from bursting out. We can devote this energy to better things in life – love, learning, development, friends, hobbies, and overall, living life to its fullest and its best.
"I’m scared to even touch the things I experienced, because then it will all come up and make me feel worse."
It’s true that at first, when you open up about something painful, it can be overwhelming.
But what we are actually doing is draining the “pus”. It hurts at first, but then it gets cleaner and healthier.
"What’s the point of digging into the terrible things I went through in Gaza? I’d rather put it all aside and get on with my life."
The problem is that even if we want to put a tough or unpleasant experience aside, there’s no guarantee, or, more accurately, it’s unlikely that it will stop upsetting us in one way or another. Your thoughts can go there, feelings can come up, there can be physical sensations or problems. For as long as we carry around something we haven’t resolved it will keep on troubling us, and even if we feel we have succeeded in putting it aside, it can always bubble up, overwhelm us and impact us at some point I the future – usually at the least convenient moment.
"I prefer to keep it all inside and not let it show."
When we keep everything inside, it stews and keeps on festering. It’s a little like taking a bottle of soda, plugging it with a finger and then shaking it as hard as possible. The gas will fizz, and we will need to use a lot energy to keep the soda from spraying all over the place. The same thing happens when we keep everything bottled up – no pun intended. It takes a lot of emotional effort, a lot of mental energy, to keep all this noise going on inside us from bursting out. We can devote this energy to better things in life – love, learning, development, friends, hobbies, and overall, living life to its fullest and its best.
Join the hundreds of reservists and members of the armed forces who have already been to
The Villa and have experienced
this meaningful process
Attendance is free of charge
Join the hundreds of reservists and members of the armed forces who have already been to The Villa and have undergone this meaningful process
Attendance is free of charge
"I’d rather smoke weed than start to dig and to talk about what happened."
There’s no doubt that many people prefer to smoke grass to stop them from thinking about what’s bothering them or from experiencing unpleasant emotions. The problem with grass is that it only masks things and doesn’t cure them. So, if at some point you want or need to stop smoking or to cut down drastically, there’s a strong chance that everything that was hidden by the “smokescreen” will come out and then you will have to deal with it. In principle, like every problem, it’s always better to deal with it when it’s still a small or a recent problem, and not to wait until it takes firm root.
"I’m afraid that if I talk about my difficulties, it will be kept on record and will hurt me later on, like at work, etc."
The law in Israel is very clear – employers are prohibited from asking about therapy or emotional difficulties. The exception in this case is security jobs like the Shabak, Mossad, etc. There, they are allowed to ask, and I can only recommend that you tell the truth during the recruitment process. Because it is the right thing to do, and because sometimes, later on in the process you will need to take a polygraph and things can come up during the test. But mainly, if there was a problem and you coped with it, you show that you are ready to deal with difficulties and aren’t afraid of them. And this is a very important character trait in those kinds of places and in general. And if you coped well and in the right way, there’s a chance that the problem won’t affect you anymore. And that’s the best outcome for you as well as for a future employer.
"I’d rather people don’t know that I’m suffering."
It’s very hard to hide for long from people around us that we’re having a hard time or that we’re suffering, especially people we love. They are sensitive to us, they know us, and they care about us. They can feel that we’re going through something bad. Often, when we’re suffering, it reflects on our relationships with others. We’re more irritable, impatient, sometimes sad or withdrawn, and other people can see and feel that something’s not right. Then we enter a vicious circle of silence that leads the person in pain to become even more detached from the people around them, the people who can help and support them. So, there’s no shame in saying you’re suffering, there’s no shame in asking for help. Every one of us would step up with love and want to help a friend or relative who’s having a hard time and who is in pain. They definitely would want to help you.
"It's true that now and then I have thoughts that bother me as I go about my day, but it isn’t anything serious that would justify having it checked…"
If it’s minor and doesn’t affect the way you function or your enjoyment of life, then there really is no need to worry about it. What’s important is to be sure that (a) it really is minor, and (b) that it’s diminishing and troubles you less as time passes. If that’s the case, you really should let time take its course. But if it isn’t really minor and it doesn’t get easier with time, it’s worth looking into. By the way, even if it is minor and only happens now and again, it’s still worth seeing a professional to find out if it can be mitigated. It’s a shame to have to live with something that’s troubling you.
Join the hundreds of reservists and members of the armed forces who have already been to
The Villa and have experienced
this meaningful process
Attendance is free of charge
"I’m scared to even touch the things I experienced, because then it will all come up and make me feel worse."
It’s true that at first, when you open up about something painful, it can be overwhelming. But what we are actually doing is draining the “pus”. It hurts at first, but then it gets cleaner and healthier.
"I’d rather smoke weed than start to dig and to talk about what happened."
There’s no doubt that many people prefer to smoke grass to stop them from thinking about what’s bothering them or from experiencing unpleasant emotions. The problem with grass is that it only masks things and doesn’t cure them. So, if at some point you want or need to stop smoking or to cut down drastically, there’s a strong chance that everything that was hidden by the “smokescreen” will come out and then you will have to deal with it. In principle, like every problem, it’s always better to deal with it when it’s still a small or a recent problem, and not to wait until it takes firm root.
"I’m afraid that if I talk about my difficulties, it will be kept on record and will hurt me later on, like at work, etc."
The law in Israel is very clear – employers are prohibited from asking about therapy or emotional difficulties. The exception in this case is security jobs like the Shabak, Mossad, etc. There, they are allowed to ask, and I can only recommend that you tell the truth during the recruitment process. Because it is the right thing to do, and because sometimes, later on in the process you will need to take a polygraph and things can come up during the test. But mainly, if there was a problem and you coped with it, you show that you are ready to deal with difficulties and aren’t afraid of them. And this is a very important character trait in those kinds of places and in general. And if you coped well and in the right way, there’s a chance that the problem won’t affect you anymore. And that’s the best outcome for you as well as for a future employer.
"I’d rather people don’t know that I’m suffering."
It’s very hard to hide for long from people around us that we’re having a hard time or that we’re suffering, especially people we love. They are sensitive to us, they know us, and they care about us. They can feel that we’re going through something bad. Often, when we’re suffering, it reflects on our relationships with others. We’re more irritable, impatient, sometimes sad or withdrawn, and other people can see and feel that something’s not right. Then we enter a vicious circle of silence that leads the person in pain to become even more detached from the people around them, the people who can help and support them. So, there’s no shame in saying you’re suffering, there’s no shame in asking for help. Every one of us would step up with love and want to help a friend or relative who’s having a hard time and who is in pain. They definitely would want to help you.
"It's true that now and then I have thoughts that bother me as I go about my day, but it isn’t anything serious that would justify having it checked…"
If it’s minor and doesn’t affect the way you function or your enjoyment of life, then there really is no need to worry about it. What’s important is to be sure that (a) it really is minor, and (b) that it’s diminishing and troubles you less as time passes. If that’s the case, you really should let time take its course. But if it isn’t really minor and it doesn’t get easier with time, it’s worth looking into. By the way, even if it is minor and only happens now and again, it’s still worth seeing a professional to find out if it can be mitigated. It’s a shame to have to live with something that’s troubling you.
Join the hundreds of reservists and members of the armed forces who have already been to The Villa and have undergone this meaningful process
Attendance is free of charge